Fuck You, Maine

Thanks to the magic of Google Analytics, our editorial staff can easily see who is reading The New Morning Post, and where they come from. We can also see who isn’t reading the magazine, which has led me to a disappointing but critical conclusion: Maine is full of chowderhead fishfuckers who would rather stuff their [...]

Super Bowl XLIV Postponed Until Conclusion Of Super Bowl XLIII

MIAMI, FL – Due to multitudinous TV timeouts, post-touchdown celebrations, post-touchdown celebration penalties, and post-touchdown celebration penalty challenges during Super Bowl XLIII, Super Bowl XLIV has been indefinitely postponed, announced NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell on Sunday. “Due to administrative constraints, we will be unable to begin Super Bowl XLIV until Super Bowl XLIII has officially [...]