Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien Totally Not Personally Offended By Each Other’s Aggressive Tactics

Conan O'Brien

NEW YORK, NY – Surprisingly, in what could have been a fairly unpleasant situation for both parties, neither Jay Leno nor Conan O’Brien is offended by the other’s potentially confrontational business moves during the past few weeks’ difficult repositioning of late-night television lineups.

“Offended?” said Mr. O’Brien, in an afternoon interview inside his New York loft. “Absolutely not. I mean, I definitely have nothing against Jay’s position. I could be out there calling him a fat-chinned putz, but I’m not going to do that, even though he tells jokes like Bing Crosby’s retarded cousin.”

"Jay" Leno

Jay was quick to echo Conan’s commitment to avoid negativity. “I love Conan!” He continued, periodically asking if we had “read about this” or “heard about this.”  ”We’re both in a tough spot here, which makes it all the more difficult that his penis is the size of an iPod Nano. Getting through this tough time together is something we’ve both agreed to, despite the fact that his hair looks like a cross between Jupiter’s Giant Red Spot and the 2005 tsunami.”

Network commentators have roundly commended the two late-night phenoms’ ability to stay above the fray. “I’m just amazed at how civil they have remained,” said Gail Kreiner, host of Good Morning Wisconsin. “Although when Jean Witherspoon and I were engaged in a similar fracas, we were also able to remain remarkably civil towards each other, even though she’s a brain-dead whore. I guess people’s generosity and civility never cease to amaze!”