Super Bowl XLIV Postponed Until Conclusion Of Super Bowl XLIII

NFL Com. Roger Goodell

MIAMI, FL – Due to multitudinous TV timeouts, post-touchdown celebrations, post-touchdown celebration penalties, and post-touchdown celebration penalty challenges during Super Bowl XLIII, Super Bowl XLIV has been indefinitely postponed, announced NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell on Sunday.

“Due to administrative constraints, we will be unable to begin Super Bowl XLIV until Super Bowl XLIII has officially ended. We expect last year’s Super Bowl to end any week now, assuming that no more serious delays or complications occur,” he said, as Larry Fitzgerald of the Arizona Cardinals danced on a television monitor behind him, celebrating his 8th touchdown of the game, while penalty flags sailed up and down behind him like fireworks on New Year’s Eve. Cardinals’ Head Coach Ken Whisenhunt immediately threw an additional flag challenging the penalty, adding approximately one quarter hour more till the cessation of the contest.

Players expressed varying opinions regarding the NFL’s decision to delay the game. Indianapolis Colts Quarterback Peyton Manning said he supported the commissioner’s decision and would use the extra time off to prepare for the subsequent interminable contest, but other players were dissatisfied, like Steelers Left Guard Davis Jackson. “Please, tell my family where I am,” he pleaded, ignoring this reporter’s questions. “We have been here for 51 weeks straight and have had only Gatorade to sustain us.”

Unrestrained Celebrations And Hunger Have Featured Prominently In Super Bowl XLIII

When informed that his offseason trade from the Cardinals to the New Orleans Saints meant that he would also be playing in Super Bowl XLIV, Jackson had to be restrained by security and was eventually thrust back onto the field, where he forced a fumble by Cardinals’ Quarterback Kurt Warner, recovered the fumble for a touchdown, and was then penalized for pulling a laptop computer out of his pants which showed a video of him dancing in real time via YouTube. Penalty flags were thrown which were immediately followed by challenge flags from both coaches.

At the time of this article’s publication, the score between the 2008-2009 Pittsburgh Steelers and the 2008-2009 Arizona Cardinals is deadlocked at 259-259, with 4:53 remaining in the third quarter. Both teams have 26 timeouts remaining, which according to the Princeton University Institute of Advanced Statistical Modeling indicates that the game should end within 532 hours and 27 minutes, ± 23 hours and 19 minutes.

Due to the increasing frequency of challenges and rapid scoring at the end of most NFL games, certain simulations of the game have calculated the end of the game to occur only at the inception of a global nuclear conflict, or the swallowing of the Earth by the supernova explosion of the Sun.